automatic weaponry part 1:
well i found out sometime last week that everything that i’ve been feeling has a name
they told me not to worry there were lots of people feeling the same.
I said yeah thats reassuring, then again, maybe not.
I said yeah thats reassuring but I still can’t seem to quit these thoughts

oh they hit me like a sack of bricks
I’d been running all night
yeah it sunk in like a poison arrow,
I just couldn’t fight it anymore.

so if i could make a weapon that would take out everything i hate
would i be better off or just a little less complete?

oh just leave me here a little while,
I’ve got to think
oh just leave me here a little while,
I’ve got to breathe…..

my defects:
Day one becomes day two,
day three becomes day four,
it’s not like anything has changed-
did you see me break down?
did anybody else?
now I’m working on my own defects
perfectly aware of my own defects.
And the promise that i couldn’t keep
is breaking down the best of me.
I swear I’d give you everything
but thats not what you seem to need

There’s beauty all around me, (3x)
but i can’t seem to open my eyes.

day one becomes day two
day three becomes day four
its not like anything has changed.
Life goes on out there,
but its desolate in here,
and all I have is your slow breathing
perfectly aware of your breathing
and i’d sacrifice so willingly
to save your growing family
but what silence now is asking me,
I’ll try and learn to believe….

There’s beauty all around me, (3x)
but i can’t seem to open my eyes.

day one becomes day two
day three becomes day four
its not like anything has changed.
this hospital is cold though its warm enough outside,
and the windowsill is my source of seeing
perfectly aware of what i’m seeing.
and its morning now,
the light breaks through and highlights these pictures of you,
how you smiled and laughed through happy times,
the memory floats through my mind…

There’s beauty all around me, (3x)
And I can finally open my eyes.

i’ll fix this if i can:

I sink into this chair,
breathe in breathe out stale air
sleep invades my eyes,
i’ve been fighting it for hours now

will night time bring more peace?
can we sleep at ease?
breathe in breathe out,
does breathing make you tired now?

and i’ll fix this if i can

rocking front to back,
so much strength i lack,
i’m fighting off these thoughts
what breathing hadn’t taught me yet

and i’ll fix this if i can

i’m taking on new air
its telling me whats here,
an answer in the room
just wait and we’ll pull through

and i’ll fix this if i can

what goes on inside your cells:

As I sit here,
The Sun calms my fears,
and the grass at my feet,
is content, just to be.
So will I feel like that?
I try and see what I need.

The sun is so bright it hurts my eyes.
I can’t deny that you had tried,
but fighting deep inside your cells
the will to live broke and fell

And I notice how the grass will bend,
with every tiny puff of wind,
and I shake my head with a little smile,
I guess it will all be worthwhile.

As I sit,
and think,
how it all seems natural to me,
and when the summer grows old,
what beautiful colors it will hold,
and I see color reflect back on me,
There’s beauty there…..

The sun is so bright it hurts my eyes.
I can’t deny that you had tried,
but fighting deep inside your cells
the will to live broke and fell

And I notice how the grass will bend,
with every tiny puff of wind,
and I shake my head with alittle smile,
I guess it will all be worthwhile.

As I sit,
and think,
how it all seems natural to me…

epilogue:
we fell down so many times
i think i’m tired of thinking
everything will work out-
well it finally all worked out-
but its still not the same,
everything has changed,
although it won’t appear that way.
and the future can’t be worked out-
no it never has been worked out..

I’m sorry that I don’t have a way,
to make it easier each day.
With my name plastered on your lips
as you gaze into nothingness
how i pleaded barely audibly
oh i,
I can’t let you down,
I won’t let you down-

well we fell,
down,
so many times,
and i think i’m fine.

alone in this:

All these names and people places, oh I’m not that sure, I’m not that sure, am I alone in this?
All around the world they tell us oh we’re not that sure we’re not that sure, am I alone in this?
I don’t know how to breathe oh I’m not that sure, I’m not that sure, am I alone in this?

I always try and work on this a lot,
What I have I’m sure you haven’t got,
I can only, only tell the truth….

higher ground:

saw a new star today
something beautiful died so it could take it’s place.
wasn’t really a big occurence
most people didn’t even take notice

but I, saw you for the first time,
it was my reason to survive

then the whole world stopped even the cars on the street
it was a moment so intense i could hardly breathe
did you feel the strength in the air
bet you didn’t know that it was even there

but i saw you for the first time,
it was my reason to survive

try not to fall
i swear its not the first time
ive been so confused
and im sure its not the last time
ill lose all my truth
so im closing my eyes
and im holding this tired half smile
and all, all we can do
is try not to fall
try not to fall
and im sure its not the first time
my mind just gave in
and i swear its not the last time
i thought i would end it all
but im holding this pose
im holding my eyes closed

i tried, i tried
Well i’ve given up all these names and places and things
oh oh oh
well i don’t know what to say
i haven’t given up on you, no
but i guess things have to change

well i tried, i tried

its just a little too niave
to think belief is all you need
but i’m still not givin up on you
but can you say the same for me

well i tried, i tried

So i find myself near you house
but your still far away
well i’m not givin up on you
but i don’t think i should stay

well i tried, i tried

artificial
when we started out it wasn’t happening in real time
when we started out it felt like we were all flying
we would all be ahead if it were anything new
i’m pretty sure this wasn’t anything new

but i can’t leave it up to me or my abilities
and i can’t leave it up to fate and everything it takes because i still know
it’s artificial

you could say i’m happy but you know it’s not official,
you could say it’s working but it’s mostly artificial,
we would all be ahead if this were anything new,
hey you wait up this is just for you

but i can’t turn my head and laugh when everything is happening
and i can’t pretend like this is working or like i deserve it
oh i tried to work it out
i tried to work it out
but it’s only artificial

an audio scribble (rock star wannabe)
i am the typical rock star wannabe
i repeat every line twice for clarity
i sling my guitar like it’s the end of my being

but i don’t find solace in the strings
how it’s lacking so many beautiful things
i’ll just throw it up on the whiteboard
you can wipe it away when you get bored

you are the typical rockstar girl i see
i put gel in my hair for sublety
i sing silly words so that we can meet

but i don’t find solace in the scene,
and this plastic beauty is somewhat obscene
i’ll just throw it all up on the whiteboard
you can wipe it away when you get bored

i am the typical rockstar wannabe
i only use two chords for simplicity
i’ll make more money than i’ll ever need

but i don’t find solace in the green reflected lifestyle that i seek
i’ll just throw it all up on the whiteboard,
you can wipe it away when you get bored

separate lives
maybe i’ll just hang back from the rest
because i could never leave you far behind
did you know last night i drove two hours
just to end up back where i left

we all want to live
we all want to live separate lives

when i was holding face from everything i feel
i found this new place little too surreal
and i could see my own mothers tears
in the way this woman grabbed her chair

we all want to live
we all want to live

i can’t say that i knew you
i can’t say that i know you
but i can say that i wanted to

we all want to live separate lives

automatic weaponry part 2
automatic weaponry would set to make the perfect scene
the goes around’s and in between’s
they don’t know what you can do
but i’ll wait it out

all around the world they tell us things that we can’t believe
they’ll find with pens and needles yeah that this is disease
oh i’ll wait it out

just give me a little more time
and i’ll try and figure this out

not what you said you do but it wasn’t everything
not what you said you’d do but it wasn’t everything
oh i’ll wait this out
i’ll wait this out

just give me a little more time
and i’ll try and figure you out

the backs of our hands
we had all these designs on the backs of our eyes
but you told me you where all right
you told me you were alive
so you fight oh you fight oh you fight
yeah you’re right oh you’re right okay you’re right

we had all of these plans written out on our hands
we had all these plans on the backs of our hands
but you told me you were alright
you told me you were alive
but you fight oh you fight oh you fight
yeah your right yeah your right okay you’re right

so you fight oh you fight yeah you fight
that your fine oh your fine, i guess you lied